Lessons
by ThickerThanLove
Summary: After Fili and Kili nearly drown going after a pony during the quest, Thorin and Fili discuss things by the fire.'coukd fall into my AU or into canon.


This was NOT going how he planned.

Fili exhaled sharply through his teeth and tugged at the knots in his hair again. They had only seemed to have worsened over time and he was still cold.

Being dunked in a river had a tendency to do that.

Maybe he should have been angry at his brother. After all, if Kili had just let go of the damned reigns, they would have lost the pony and some supplies but it would have saved them both a ride down the river. His lungs still burned a bit though whether that was from the lack of oxygen he'd endured or the slam against the rocks, he wasn't sure.

Maybe it had been the panic when he could no longer see Kili or the fear when he'd gone under and not been able to tell which direction was up. Maybe it was the fire that took his lungs after a time and the blackness that followed.

He'd come to on the shore, coughing and spitting water into his uncle's face and barely managing to turn to the side before sickness forced the rest of the water out.

Kili has followed not long after, hacking and spitting as Dwalin turned him to the side to empty his own guts.

Then Uncle had screamed. And lectured and all but hissed like a dragon at them for what felt like an hour. It was only when Kili started trembling that Thorin realized it might be best to get them out of their wet clothes first.

That led them to now.

Their clothes were flung over wooden frames to dry by the fire. After some weak stew (not much to add to it) Kili had accepted a spare tunic from Ori and all but collapsed into his bedroll. Thorin had grumbled as he dug through his own supplies and given Fili one of his spare slacks and tunic. They would drape some, given Thorin's height but they would do for now. Just their luck that the supplies the pony had been carrying when it bolted to the river had been his and Kili's along with quite a bit of their food.

And as luck would have it, it was their clothes—waterlogged but intact—that had been recovered and not the food rations.

Lady Luck at her finest.

After much debate, Bilbo had insisted Kili had the right idea and "I mean to try to get some sleep after such a fiasco. You may wake me for breakfast or my turn for watch and not a moment before!" before he'd grabbed his own blanket and retreated for sleep. The others had followed soon after.

Chancing a glance over, he smiled a bit. Their Burglar had set himself by Kili and was leaned against the tree, hand resting in Kili's back to monitor his breathing. No one had asked him to do it but he'd done so all the same. If Bilbo woke, briefly, he always looked to Kili first, as if reassuring himself before drifting back to sleep, a hand forever remaining to Kili's torso.

Fili was grateful for it.

He couldn't sleep. Too many things rushing through his head, too many what ifs. Too many should haves and could haves. It was foolish to try to force sleep when it was obviously not intent on visiting him this eve.

He yanked at a knot in his hair again, cursing at the pain. _Deserved pain, you sod! What did you THINK was going to happen? _

He'd been reckless and so had Kili but Uncle's words were the worst. About how stupid they'd been, about how foolish and "this isn't a game!"

He knew that. They both knew that and the fact that Thorin thought for a moment they didn't...hurt.

"You are the last person that should be awake."

He closed his eyes at the harsh baritone and turned, hands still working the comb in his hair. Just as he expected, it was Thorin, sitting by the fire, nursing his pipe who had spoken. How had he not noticed his uncle sitting there? Another mistake. What if it had been an orc or troll or—

"Making myself useful," He found himself saying. "If I can't sleep, at least I can patrol a bit."

"Yet you didn't notice me, sitting in the light of a fire."

Fili cursed under his breath and turned his back to his leader, readjusting his grip as he fought another knot in one of his braids. Not much to say to that, was there? It was the damn truth. He hadn't seen his uncle so what use would he be for looking out for something a great deal more stealthy than his relative?

He yanked hard on the tresses.

They frayed and stayed bound. Unyielding. Stubborn. Hard. Unfair. Failure.

"Fili-"

Again. Harder. Damn knots. Damn pony, damn river. Damn Kili! Damn the dragon for taking Erebor, damn Great Grandfather for going insane, damn Grandfather for leaving, damn himself for not being strong to pull out a pony. Damn all of it! Damn it all!

Harder. Faster.

Pain. Cutting like a knife through his scalp. The nerves in his hair were singing a choir and he relished in it. Good. Served him right.

Pull harder. Pull faster.

Dwarves were one of the few creatures who had nerves in their hair which was why they cherished and decorated their hair so. What right did HE have to do that? After all, wasn't he just a stupid foolish child?

"Fili!"

No. He would not hear it. He knew what his uncle would say. He had listened to it earlier and would not...could not hear it again!

Harder. Grab the middle, pull it hard—

Sharp impacts on both his shoulders caught him by surprise when he was rugged backward and forced to a sit on the cold ground. The fire rumbling in front of him matched the rumbling from Thorin behind him as he forcefully took the comb from Fili's hand.

"Give me that before you scalp yourself, Mahal's Beard!"

Keeping one hand on Fili's left shoulder, Thorin took a collection of small bulbs from his pouch, crushing them in his hand. He spat in it, opening and closing his hand on it several times before it formed that old familiar blue paste.

He took his hand from Fili's shoulder and using both, massaged the blue mush into the golden hair, digging his fingers deep into the scalp and making sure he rubbed it into each strand. Before long, the blue dulled in color before fading completely into the wheat yellow shade.

Fili leaned into the gesture without realizing it and may or may not have let out an exhale of relief at the sensation.

"Much better than ripping your hair to shreds, I can guarantee you that," Thorin said simply before he took up his nephew's comb and gently ran it down the left side. It soared through like liquid glass, the ever faithful herbal remedy doing its job quite well. The knots Fili had been fighting were hardly a stop on the way.

For a long time, they sat in silence, Fili staring into the fire and Thorin combing through the golden hair, far longer than he needed to before he started his sister-son's trademark braids. "If you think I am angry, Fili, I am not."

Freezing sharply, Fili protested "Not mad, my arse!" He accused. "You're telling me that fiasco by the river was you "not mad?" I'll have you know Uncke, I know this isn't a game. So does Kili. We know how important this is and we didn't exactly—"

"I was worried, not mad."

That simple statement shut him up and his uncle's gentle gestures through his hair helped drive that message home. "I was worried, Fili, not angry."

There was a deep hefty sigh and Thorin confessed "You know better than anyone that I do not do well with fear, with worry, with helplessness. Seeing you and your brother in that river, I have never felt so utterly powerless in my life."

"We...were not trying to drown, Thorin." Fili felt inclined to offer. His uncle, after a moment, allowed a light chuckle.

"No, I am well aware you weren't. I am proud of you for getting to your brother, for fighting that current as hard as you did. Surviving being thrashed about like you were is no small feat." He exhaled. "I wish your brother had dropped the reigns. I wish you had not leapt in after him, risking the both of you!" He finished one braid and began another. "But I also cannot day I would have done the same if it had been your mother or Frerin in those waters. Or if Dwalin had not grabbed me that I would not have rushed in myself."

He let that linger a moment and ran his hands through Fili's hair, parting hair for another plait and offering reassurance in the same motion. "I felt a need to blame someone, anything, for that fear in my heart. Forgive me that it was you."

Fili shifted his eyes up and Thorin brushed his fingers along the side of his eyes a moment before letting them cover them a heartbeat or two. It was an old gesture, one used to bid children safe dreams(something about shielding them from the gaze of Durin's Bane) but it still carried the same comfort. "I will not say that you and Kili have not made mistakes but I would fear if you did not. You are young. You do not yet know the world." He added "As there are things about the world I wish you did not know, don't view it as a hindrance. Your youth will be beneficial in ways you may not believe." A low chuckle escaped his throat at the way Fili laid back and rested his head on his knees. "There's much left to teach both of of you."

Fili closed his eyes and his uncle's voice and fingers eased calmness to him. If Thorin ran and rested his hand over Fili's eyes a second time, it was no matter. "But you are learning. All I ask is that you try to learn in ways that will not take decades off my life."

Chuckling low himself and leaning against Thorin's stomach, Fili vowed "I can promise that we will not deliberately try to age you prematurely."

A low scoff, "I suppose that is the best I can expect from a son of Durin."

Giving a shrug, Fili retorted "It will serve us well, as you say Uncle."

"Aye, aye, it will." He shook his head and finished the last braid. "Come, Fili. I won't have you falling asleep here on the wet dirt."

Shaking his head, Fili asked "A few moments more Uncle, that's all I ask."

"Are you a child again, protesting sleep while your body insists upon it?"

"No. But, I'd like to sit with you a moment more."

Sighing lightly with a shake of his head, Thorin remarked "As you insist, sister-son but I'll hear no complaints if your stubbornness lures you to dreams here and your back protests it tomorrow."

"I take full responsibility for that."

Resting his hand in Fili's braids, Thorin nodded "As you will then." Fili barely had the will to nod though he did nudge his head against Thorin's hand when the gentle message ceased and took heart in the light laugh. Perhaps Thorin had been right to warn him because he remembered not much else after that.

But when Fili awoke the next morning, it was not on the hard ground but on his side, curled on his bedroll, warm blanket draped atop him. He blinked, pondered for a moment if he had dreamed the whole conversation.

But no, the tight braids in his hair could only have been Uncle Thorin's doing and he had never seen his uncle insist on cracking his back first thing in the morning.

The two of them shared a glance, a simple one, a nod and half smile before Thorin tossed Fili his dry clothes "Get dressed, nephew. You lead today."


End file.
